Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Correspondence from posts on relationships and gender roles

I've gotten some feedback on the posts and videos I've created on the topics of relationships and gender roles.

Four women have contacted me with gratitude for writing these things. They are older women who have observed these things over a lifetime of experience in their lives and the lives of their children and (in some cases) grandchildren. They said how they wish that younger people knew these things, or that they knew these things when they were younger. Some have lived through divorce and death of spouses, some have had very long happy marriages. I have encouraged these women to go and teach their wisdom to young people. I hope they do. One younger mother also said she appreciated these things.

Two men have contacted me saying they appreciate these videos. One told me an interesting story of how he was discussing this material with a friend of his who shared with him the fact that there are a lot of people who are very upset with this material, and are disparaging me on private message groups. He said he had wondered why I kept mentioning that, and he had no idea that I had such a big group of people that hate me. Several of the previously mentioned women also said some variant of "you must have a death wish."

One woman contacted me with a mixed reaction. She said:

I’m a woman and the love/hate I feel towards some of your posts draws me in, sparking interest in why I feel the way I do when I read some of what you write. It is interesting to both bristle at something and yet want to improve so I keep reading and looking inward to what I need to uproot! If something I read bothers me, I want to know why I had that reaction to printed words. It can be a good exercise!
....Has [the Lord] told you women need this wake-up call and told you to write it?
I ask because I recognize my own disappointment with men who ignore God, lack a connection with Heaven and are ruled by their eyes and their penis perpetually, to the heartbreak of their wives who scrub, do laundry, home school and grow older and less desirable compared to the fresh crop of 18 year olds every year willing to expose their bodies for money....It is beyond soul-crushing. I don’t believe most men understand how deeply they have hurt their wives by their constant obsession with physical appearances (while their bodies are spared the wreckage of child bearing) and allow their lusty desire to forever wander elsewhere....
I appreciated this email. I don't know this person. As with most of the correspondence I get, it's the first I've ever interacted with them. But I was touched by how much she had thought about these things, and her obvious reverence for the Lord.

I responded:
...I teach what the Lord tells me to teach. I hate this topic, and much prefer the other things I’m working on. But as I am working on them, when he speaks to me, I stop what I’m doing and write it out and make videos before returning to what I was doing before. If I don’t do that, he can’t keep speaking to me.
I want to remind you that guys are often told what they need to work on. If they get a pass in life, they certainly don’t in what I’ve taught. I’ve told men that more than 25% will never be worth marrying, many more will never prepare themselves to be worth marrying, and most who are simply aren’t cutting it. I’ve told men their role is to be a priest—to actually be holy and actually have a relationship with God and I’ve described just what experiences that entails. They know how rare these things are. I’ve also told them that the responsibility for their whole family sits squarely on their shoulders and that they are alone on facing the chaos of life.
Meanwhile, my simple message to women is that the inherent value you get for free with youth has an expiration date, and is meant to be replaced with character and service, things that are much more valuable than looks. To me, that is a very much easier pill to swallow, and the fact that so many hate me for saying so is a greater evidence of my being right than any argument I could give.
Men should not be led by physical attraction. They should not indulge in the sin of lust. A man should acquire sufficient wisdom to desire and highly value the traits I described in “A woman’s purpose.” Few do, and few women bother developing them. 

I share that interchange here in the event that other people have a similar question.