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Sometimes, it IS good for [man/woman] to be alone

In the garden of Eden, the gods discussed how they should create Eve for Adam since it was not good for man to be alone.

I submit that the goodness of a [man/woman] being alone is a factor of what his options are.

TO BOTH:

No one seems to ask if they are worthy of what they seek. Since most people are pretty awful, that probably includes you, too. It is dishonest for you to be a lazy bum and yet think you deserve a hard worker. It is dishonest to think you deserve a movie star if you look like something that came out of a lab. You shouldn't expect someone who is fit if you are fat. If you make minimum wage or work at unskilled labor (bartender, waitress, laborer, etc.), you should not expect to date someone who makes lots of money.

Now, relationships with people of greater success or character or looks happen all the time, and there isn't anything wrong with that. But if you are getting way more out of it than they are, you should be honest about that and try to make it up with gratitude.

One final note, be very careful about how you value looks. Open your freaking eyes and look at the older people around you. Look at how they looked when they were 18, 20, 25, 30, 40, and so on. Almost every woman is attractive when she is young, and no woman stays as attractive as she ages. Almost every guy can be muscular when young, and almost no guy will stay that way.

[On a sort of related note, most people of both genders get overweight very quickly these days. Take this as a warning sign: someone who won't control what they put in their mouth won't control what comes out of it, either. Someone who won't manage this very simple aspect of life is broadcasting deep honesty and emotional problems that will manifest all over your marriage.]

If you marry someone, almost all of the time you spend with them will not be when they are young, but when they are past the age when nearly everyone looks good naturally. Therefore, what you should really treasure are the intangibles: what kind of person is this, really? What kind of character do they have? Will they persistently actually care about you? Are they actually interested in being a decent person? While not always the case, you will find that someone's character tends to run opposite of their looks. Beautiful tend to neglect character development because character development is difficult and youthful looks come for free. Inversely, if you find someone who only treasures you because of how you look, they don't really treasure you. If you have won the physical lottery, make the most of it by finding and sinking a truly good person.

TO THE WOMEN:

Most men today are absolute idiots. You have no business dating a man who:
-Doesn't already make enough money to support you and however many children you want.
-Isn't able to withstand some really hard things without breaking character.
-Isn't able to articulate his mission in life, and it better be a worthy one, and he better have consistent, obvious steps towards that mission right now.
-Isn't smarter, harder working, and of a better character than you.

Note that these are all things you can know about a guy in a single date, if not before. Women have a fantastic blessing in that they never have to guess whether a man is what is required for happiness or not. While men can change, and that isn't in a woman's control, she never has to walk into a surprise. The signs are always there from date #1. This is not so the other way around.

Note that it is HIGHLY unlikely you are going to find any of these traits, let alone all of them, in someone who is under 25, and I'm really just saying 25 to make you feel better. Recall that Jesus didn't start his mission until he was 30, and there was a reason for that. Also realize that a good man who is 30 or older is highly unlikely to still be single.*

Realize that fewer than 1% of men are the qualities described above. Realize that the practices and habits of all the people you know are *not* designed to find this kind of man. They are built around the assumption that many or most men are good enough. They aren't. You are on the hunt for a very rare man. You will not find him in the ways normal men are found. Look for the fruits. Put yourself in places where these men are, and you will find them.

When you find a man like this, sink your teeth in and don't let go. You have found a very rare treasure.

If you haven't found a man like this, don't be tempted to fill the gap with a placeholder. You are better off being alone than being with someone who lacks even one of these things because:
1) You will be miserable and very likely divorced with no hopes of finding this person later if you marry them.
2) You will not be able to find someone like this while dating someone who is not like this.
3) You will be more happy alone than with someone who isn't like this in every way.

Do not waste your time and your emotions on men who are not good enough. It isn't worth it.

It is that simple.

TO THE MEN:

Guys, you really need to wake up. What the world tells you is valuable and worthy of seeking is utterly false.

Historically, finding a woman worth marrying has always been difficult. Solomon--a man of unlimited resources--remarked "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31:10) He said:

25 I applied mine heart to know, and to search, and to seek out wisdom, and the reason of things, and to know the wickedness of folly, even of foolishness and madness:
26 And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.
27 Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account:
28 Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.
29 Lo, this only have I found, that God hath made man upright; but they have sought out many inventions. (Ecclesiastes 7)

And it wasn't for not trying. The man had something like 700 wives and 300 concubines. If Solomon could not find a woman a man of unlimited wealth who had tried 1000 times felt that--at best--a virtuous woman is rare, what hope does a normal young man have of finding one?

And guess what? They are even rarer today. Modern culture is insanely toxic to femininity.

I have written about this before, and I will write more about it later. For the purposes of this post, suffice it to say that:
-Women's odds of divorce skyrocket after one premarital sexual partner (70% greater, 77% for two).
-90% of women are no longer virgins by age 22.
-70% of divorces are initiated by women.

The woman you are looking for is a real prize. You won't find her by doing what all the other guys do. Odds are, you won't find her. Get used to that idea.

If a woman isn't absolutely nuts about you, she is not worth your time. And if you don't merit that, you are not worth her time. I'm sure that sounds ridiculous according to modern sentiments, but if you seek wisdom, one day you will agree with this.

Your role in life is to be a prize for the woman who gives her life to you. If you don't have enough to offer for that to be true, you need to make some changes in your life.

Stop obsessing about looks. As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. (Proverbs 11:22) If you brought home a pig with a gold ring in its snout because you thought it was pretty, you would very soon regret it. Pigs poop nonstop, they eat everything, they are very loud, and they stink. And while gold rings don't wear out, the physical beauty of a woman does. Find out how the woman will be as a wife and as a mom and as a friend. This is very difficult to do because so much of a woman's attitude is driven by how excited she is, and women tend to be excited in dating situations. Therefore, minimize the romancing and avoid the instagram queens. You need to see what she's going to be like when she's tired and working all day on mundane activities, which will be her life for the child bearing years. Spend time with her in the most boring, grueling activities you can. Clean out a chicken coop. Go on a looooong hard hike. Weed an enormous field. Etc. Are these things better for her being there? Does she work hard and cheerfully, or is this just entertainment for her? Does she care about a job well done, or is she just trying to get through it as fast as she can?

Does she beautify (improve the appearance of), enliven (make more entertaining, interesting, appealing), enhance (improve, make more valuable), excite (cause feelings of enthusiasm and eagerness), enrich (improve or enhance the value of), uplift (improve the spiritual, social, or intellectual condition of), gladden (make glad), mollify (calm and soothe), pacify (bring peace to)?

If not, move on. It is better to be alone than marry a bad woman. A good woman will inspire you and add meaning to life. A bad one will suck the joy out of your life and be like an anchor around your neck, making everything you have to do that much harder.

In summary: often it IS better to be alone

In today's world, so many people are so utterly worthless that it is, in fact, very often better for a [man/woman] to be alone.

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman [or man!] in a wide house. (Proverbs 21:9)

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman [or man!]. (Proverbs 21:19)

Realize that:
-If you are not ok with being alone, you are not prepared to be with someone. Poor partners don't cure loneliness. Try a dog instead. Chocolate labs are great for that.
-If you are with someone, you are taking yourself off the market.*
-If you are with someone you know you won't marry, you are a liar. Ironically, you are disqualifying yourself from finding a good person, because good people deserve better than liars. Stop robbing your potential partner of your best years for your petty emotional fulfillment.
-Most people today are not worth being with. If you insist on being with them anyway, you will regret it.


*Except in cases of polygamy.